'You see but you do not observe, you hear but you do not listen'
Getting my ass back to Singapore after an extraordinary exchange program was indeed a chore. I was in South Korea, Busan for the past 5 months, eating kimchis and honing my sign language with the Koreans. The food there is awesome, the people unbelievably attractive (don't go there if you want to feel inferior) and the sights are magnificent. Living alone on foreign land might sound daunting for many of us but I feel it is a good experience to get out of our comfort zone and learn something that can be useful to us in the near future.
Nope, by learning something new I don't mean like attending a Korean course and get some new knowledge out of it because, not trying to be offensive but their curriculum is quite easy.. But what i'm talking about is life experiences and lessons that can make you grow as a person, both physically and spiritually. Looking back, even though i'm a late bloomer, i tend to observe and see more things than the others. I tend to observe more than I act, and listen more than i talk. I always feel insecure about it and believe that it is a bad trait or habit of mine but this in turn shaped me into who I am today.
And I realized i'm sensitive af. After being through two utter failures in my relationships, I was dejected and disappointed with all the woo-ha about love and commitment. They are nothing but empty checks and blown-up marketing scams that seek to enslave people. I told myself then, never am I going to be involve in this shit until I graduate. Somehow, this affected my outlook in not just revolving around romantic connections, but normal relationships as well. I became a nonchalant, self-centered, paranoid and un-empathetic guy who dgaf about what your problems are as I know you might betray me sometime in the future.
I close myself up and gave up love, which makes me miserable. I know this is not me, but i'm afraid to walk down the same path again where my heart is vulnerable to external abuses. When I went for exchange, I interacted with amazing people and friends that made me change my outlook pertaining to this issue. I see how love begets love, just as well as violence begets violence. I see how people who embraces love are happier as well, even if they are unrequited. I see how being an asshole will only drive people out of your life, even though you're protecting yourself. I see how people are actually connected to each other, even though they don't say it.
I witness what is unconditional love.
And I appeal to anyone out there, give love another chance.
(back to the top.)
where is the love?
Tuesday, July 26, 2016