Having realized that you are not having connections with the people around you is scary yet depressing at the same time. The amount of time you spent with them doesn't correlate with the depth of connection you have with a person.
There is always a fear that you might not find someone again with the same connection. This is always the case in the initial part of a relationship and people hold on to sometimes to it without knowing that it is better to let go.
Love isn't about possession nor ownership.
Love is selfless and unconditional.
For example, we look at the micro view of an act of love which is an act of charity. You don't demand for recognition nor remunerations, you give because you can and you should.
Compassionate people like Mother Theresa didn't start helping others because she wanted to get famous. Getting famous is something that was an unexpected outcome but she did it unconditionally and willingly.
Being able to see the person in a state of happiness is more than enough for me, even if it might be unrequited. Someone told me I'm holding it back and after days of countless conversations with myself, it is true. One, due to circumstances that I can't change and two, because i'm afraid that I will let my emotions kill me on the inside. I don't want to give up a hard sought connection just because my emotional side wants to hold on to her so dearly and trust me, it is not an easy battle.
Nonetheless, my job here is done and all I wished is for her to be back to her cheery self again.
What is meant to be, will be.
(back to the top.)
I feel the need to pen down my thoughts recently because there are so many of them going through my mind daily, because i'm at this stage of life where I feel I need to know myself better. Knowing that I've a memory of a goldfish, these thoughts are vital in keeping me sane as well as aware.
However, having excessive thoughts can sometimes lead to overthinking, which many of us are suffering from. Overthinking is unhealthy and it sometimes creates problems that don't even exist in the first place.
'Worrying is like paying interest in advance for a debt that you might not owe.'
Indeed, most of us have been paralyzed at some point in our life by our fears and anxieties. These negative thoughts are mostly the result of overthinking and they might not even be real or possible in the first place! You will never be free until you free yourself from the prison of your own false thoughts and I believe that your thoughts and beliefs actually, consciously or sub-consciously dictate your actions and behaviors. We often do not realize that the only person that can make us worry and unhappy is we ourselves.
(back to the top.)
Thursday, September 29, 2016